So while looking through my notes today, I randomly found this post I wrote a while back. Now clearly I’m exaggerating a bit as I do understand that certain situations are different and should be addressed differently. Not to mention that there’s also a general “treat others as you’d like to be treated” rule, but in all honesty, how much responsibility/blame should be placed on the “other” woman/man? Read the post below, and share your thoughts:
So I’m obviously going to piss a lot of people off with this post, but hey… why not. Lets dive right in. Very often when a man cheats, there’s always talks of “the other woman”. This evil creature who sticks around and gives your man a reason to betray you. She is well aware, (well sometimes anyway) of your relationship.. of your position in his life. Yet, she choses to frolic with him. And so after all of your suspicion, and lets not forget research you find her. You can put a face to the name- you’ve identified the devil in disguise; The “home-wrecker”, the “Other Woman”. You hold her responsible because somewhere in your mind, you feel like as a fellow woman in this difficult “man’s world”, she should have known better. I mean isn’t there some unspoken sister-code amongst women? (I’ve been working on my sarcasm so I really hope it translates in that last paragraph)
The truth is, there isn’t. And I won’t lie… to some degree, I understand this mentality. I understand feeling like others should at least be considerate. I understand expecting or at least hoping that people are good to you. However, what I don’t understand is why this other woman owes us so much responsibility; even more than our partners. I view relationships very much like contracts. We myself and my imaginary boo have decided to enter into this thing together. You and I. Not me, you, and the prospective “other woman”. And so I intend to keep it that way. Not because I’m a virtuous woman, or a ride-or-die (aka mumu), or more importantly that I’ve come to find no other man attractive, because lol let’s be honest…there are soooo many fine… ok I’m getting distracted. But anyway, it’s because we have made a decision to be loyal to one another- to deal with one another and to be exclusively with one another. With this in mind, it is expected that both parties stick to their end of the deal, no? However if YOU the he-goat that you are decide to demolish breach our contract, then the responsibility falls entirely on you. NOT the other woman. She may or may not have known, but she owes me no responsibility. She didn’t sign that contract with us.
Now this isn’t me saying that the other woman or the other man shouldn’t at all be held responsible. I’m simply saying… don’t hold them more responsible than you do your partner. Because then you’re not accepting the situation for what it is. If whomever you’ve entered an exclusive relationship with cheats, that person should be faulted for cheating. THat person owed you loyalty. That individual is the culprit. Yes, someone may have aided them (I mean, that’s usually how it works right?… lol) But they wronged you . Not the outsider; so deal with them accordingly. However the point I’m trying to get across is this: as the “victim”, you’re allowed to be hurt and to be angry, and to some degree blame the other woman. But it shouldn’t extend beyond a certain point.. it shouldn’t reach a physical altercation, because remember.. She didn’t sign the deal. He did. With that in mind, the best solution is to kill him. Just kidding. 🙂
PS: Why is it that we don’t often hear about the “Other Man”? Might it be that this law of unspoken loyalty doesn’t apply to men? Or are men just that respective of other Men’s relationships (which would then suggest that women don’t cheat?)….LOL what are your thoughts?
Niran 